Keep the Knot Tight
This devotional is practical advice for couples who are engaged, newly married, or have been married for a while. It is based on the lessons my husband and I have learned over nearly twenty years of marriage and the advice I wish I’d listened to many years ago. Each day is a short piece of advice for married couples with God’s Word to back it up.
This devotional is dedicated to Wyatt and Lauryn. I originally wrote this for them and pray they keep the knot tight.
Day 1: Remember Your Priorities
I was blessed to be married by and pastored by a wonderful Pastor for many years. He was a particularly gifted teacher, who would study God’s Word and break it down into easy to understand lessons. One of his best sermons was about priorities. He laid them out for us this way:
Priority #1: Your relationship with God. Your relationship with God is eternal. It is personal. It is intimate (God knows things about you no one else may know). Your relationship with God also impacts every other relationship on this list. In this way, it is undeniably the most important of all relationships.
Priority #2: Your relationship with your spouse. Your relationship with your spouse begins before your children are born and goes on after your children are raised and leave your home. Your relationship with your spouse is intimate. There are things your spouse knows about you that no other human may know. A good relationship with your spouse shows your children what a loving relationship with another human looks like, setting the stage for their future relationships.
Priority #3: Your relationship with your children. Having raised children who are now teenagers I know the years of them needing you at all hours of the day and the years of them seeming to barely need you at all. Your children will someday leave your home and all those years of time together will be the basis of how they live their lives. Use the time with them wisely and don’t lose that time after they leave the house. Having a relationship with your grown children is a wonderful experience and one that shouldn’t be overlooked.
Priority #4: Your relationship with your church family and other family and friends. The relationship with family, friends, and church family is important but should not come before God, your spouse, and your children. This means any responsibilities you have within the church fall after your time with God, your time with your spouse, and your time with your children.
Priority #5: Your job. Our Pastor acknowledged our jobs as an important part of our lives, often taking up the biggest part of the day. His point is that we must remember where it falls in the list. Commit to it, but don’t let it overcome the first four priorities.
Reflection:
Are there areas where your priorities need to change? Ask God to help you align your priorities each day. Even if they haven’t been right in the past, you can still change today.
Father-
Help me to align my priorities with your will. Reveal where my heart and calendar need to change. Thank you for your grace when I don’t always get my priorities right. I ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.
Scripture(s):
Matthew 24:35
Day 2: Pick Your Battles
Keep the big things big and the little things little. This is a phrase I use often at work and with my children. It has served me well to remember what is important and what should be overlooked. When it comes to your spouse, don’t fight or nag about every little thing but have the fight when something is important. Making everything into a big deal makes the important things get lost. On the other hand, not talking about the important things leads to bitterness and distance.
Reflection:
Father-
Show me where I need to let things go. Help me to be patient and learn to love and appreciate my spouse. Give me the boldness to bring up the things that are important. Bring us together on the issues most important to each of us. Open my heart to the things that are most important to my spouse. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Scripture(s):
Proverbs 21:19
Day 3: Money Isn’t Important
I know what you are thinking…I know money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it isn’t unimportant either. I get it. When my husband and I got married we were only 19 years old. I was in college and he was working a construction job that didn’t have work all year long. We did not have much of anything, especially money. Having no money can be one of the most stressful things on a relationship. I also know that fighting over money does not make it better. Scrutinizing each other’s decisions does not build up a marriage. It has been said to almost every married couple by someone - don’t fight over money. You can always make more. Trust each other to make good decisions. Talk about the big things and respect the things they hope for - even if they are into motorcycles and you are into horses. Women - don’t make a man ask for permission if you expect him to lead.
Reflection:
Father-
Take away any feelings of control I take over our money. Bring trust to our relationship. Fill my heart with appreciation for what my spouse yearns for. Give me faith to be generous with our money and trust that you will provide. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Scripture(s):
Matthew 6:19-21
Philippians 4:19
1 Timothy 6:10
Day 4: Keep the Knot Tight
Work out your problems together. Having wise advisors is helpful, but not if you can’t talk about it with your spouse later. Remember, once you tie the knot you need to keep it tight. A boat left tethered loosely will eventually float away. Don’t let anyone outside your marriage loosen what God has put together.
Reflection:
Father-
Help me to open up communication with my spouse so all our problems can be worked out together. Show me where I rely on others for advice and give me the trust to go to my spouse in these situations. Help us to learn to communicate better - more openly and with love. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Scripture(s):
James 1:19
Mark 10:9
Day 5: Forgive Graciously
Forgive each other - even if they don’t ask for forgiveness. Don’t bring up the past once you’ve forgiven. Learn to apologize wholeheartedly. Marriage is a selfless endeavor. Today’s society will tell you to focus on yourself and not let anyone change you…this is what we are teaching our young adults. I am telling you with 100% certainty that in marriage you must put the other person first. Getting respect is about giving respect and love is much the same. It was a hard lesson for me to learn to forgive someone who didn’t ask for forgiveness. I waited and waited for them to ask for forgiveness until I was bitter towards them and didn’t even care if they asked. What I eventually realized is that I was suffering the most by waiting. I could choose to wait for them to ask and be miserable or forgive them and move on. Even a little unforgiveness can lead to bitterness. In a marriage, there can be no room for bitterness. Abounding and gracious love are necessary for all great marriages. Learn it early on and practice it.
Reflection:
Father-
Show me where I need to forgive. Help me to forgive fully and completely. Cleanse my heart of any bitterness, anger, and hurt feelings. Restore trust and love in the areas where bitterness has taken root. Help me each day to live selflessly for my spouse, just as my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ did the same for me. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Scripture(s):
1 John 4:19
Psalm 139:23-24
Ephesians 5:21
Colossians 3:12-14
Ephesians 4:31-32
Day 6: Pray
Pray for each other. No one person is more important in your life than your spouse. You will never regret praying too much for anyone, especially your spouse. Prayer time is precious, use it to build up those you love. Make your prayers selfless, pray for what they are praying for, pray they see themselves the way God sees them, pray for blessings for them.
Reflection:
Father-
Give me a passionate desire to pray for my spouse. Put them at the forefront of my mind so they are the first person I think of when I come to you in prayer. Put them on my mind through the day so I am reminded to continually pray for them. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Scripture(s):
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Philippians 4:6
Day 7: Love Them as They Are
Don’t try to change your spouse. Love them for who they are now. You fell in love with the person they are, not the person you think they should be.
When my husband and I first met and started dating I knew he was special. Even as a teenager he was a wonderful man, but I knew he would someday be a great man. I saw so much greatness in him, even when he didn’t see it in himself. Early in our marriage I became frustrated because he was not acting like the man I knew or the man I knew he could be. I saw my marriage falling apart before it hardly had a chance to get started. I didn’t know what to do but I knew I couldn’t give up. I just kept going. I kept praying. I chose to keep loving him even though he was not the same person I had fallen in love with. Then one day it all changed. Just like that. The new man before me was better than he had once been and every year he has just gotten better. Now, almost twenty years into our marriage I am so glad I stuck with him. He is better than I imagined because God has made him into the person he is. Not me. Our job is to love. God’s job is to change hearts.
Let God shape them into the person He wants them to be. Love them for who they are every day. In good times and in bad.
Reflection:
Father-
Help me to love my spouse as they are right now. Show me where I am trying to change them and change my heart instead. Give me faith through the hard times. Change my words of critique to words of encouragement. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Scripture(s):
Ephesians 5:25-28
Day 8: Time Spent Together Isn’t Wasted
Spend time together. Plain and simple! Time spent together does not have to be extravagant. Driving places in the truck can be more fun than you think. I’ve had many fun “date nights” going to pick up parts, feed, and groceries together. Taking little trips together is time well spent. It is about the journey, not the destination. Take your journeys together.
Reflection:
Father-
Help me to appreciate the time spent together. Help us both to cherish this time and use it to deepen our relationship. Take away distractions while we are together and help us to communicate and grow closer to one another. Thank you for the time we have together. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Scripture(s):
Genesis 2:18-24
Deuteronomy 24:5
Day 9: Words Are Important
Your words are important, use them to build each other up. Remember - you are the most important person to them and your thoughts about them have more weight than anyone else. There is a famous quote from Carl Sandburg that says it best: “Be careful with your words. Once they are said they can only be forgiven, not forgotten.”
Reflection:
Father-
Use my words to bless my spouse. Help me to build them up and not tear them down. Give me a heart that is full of love and a tongue that blesses others. Forgive me for using my words to tear down others in the past. Help me to forgive any words that have stung me in the past and help me to shake any bitterness or hurt from those words. Help me to be an encourager. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
Scripture(s):
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Proverbs 15:4
Proverbs 16:24
Proverbs 18:21
James 3:5
Matthew 12:36
Psalm 19:14
This devotional was provided by members of Faith Chapel Church. Written by Hollie Frieden, edited by Kelly Frieden and Christine Frieden, artwork by Sarah Frieden. For more information or to contact us, visit faithchapelchurch.com.